Earning Buy-In from Student-Athletes and Parents with Hakeem Young

Please note, this transcript is generated by AI and may include some errors. 

Spencer Payne: Okay, hello and welcome to another episode of Front of the Class Real Stories from Real Educators. Our real educator today is Hakeem Young. And Hakeem, when you are introducing yourself maybe to other educators, how do you like to introduce yourself? What do you talk about? Do you talk about where you teach, how long you've been doing it, et cetera? Where do you like to take that conversation when you introduce yourself?

Hakeem Young: Hello everyone, Hakeem Young. I start off saying, you know, I'm a middle school math teacher. That kind of gets the eyes opened up because they, know, middle school is one of those crazy times for students. So I love it because they kind of look at me weird and differently. I've been doing this. This is year eight in the education field. I started in Kansas and then took a couple years off to be in the military. And then now I got the bug to come back into education. And I've been at Spanaway Middle School for the past eight years, and Tacoma slash Spanaway Washington. I teach, now I'm teaching sixth and seventh, but now I've taught all three grade levels at some point.

Spencer Payne: and how did you get into this field in the first place? Is this something you always wanted to do? Did you back into this? Was this a second career? Like, how did you end up becoming an educator?

Hakeem Young: Becoming an educator was not my ideal job growing up. I never even thought about it. You know, as a kid, I loved sports. So was like, I'm going to be a professional athlete. That's what I'm going to do. And then when I got to college, I started looking around realizing I'm not at a Division I school. So being at an NAIA school is going to be really tough to try to go pro. And that come to realization that I may need to look somewhere else. And I've always loved coaching. So was like, I need to do a job that's going to allow me to still have the freedom to coach and do whatever I want. It came down to a professor. She's the reason why I got into it, because I was a smart ass in her class one day because I was mad that I was taking a lower level math class because of not doing well in the ACT.

And so she's like, you know what, since you know everything, you can just start by teaching our class every day and going over the homework. And so that went on for a whole semester. When I got done towards the end of that semester, she's like, honestly, I think you should go into education because you have patience, you know, and you're willing to get out in front of the class and you can perform because sometimes being a teacher is a performance.

And so that was kind of what started me down the path of dipping my toes into education. And then as I got further into my college career, I found that, you know what, middle level math, that middle school math time was a time where I really struggled and there wasn't very many male teachers in the math department. So trying to make another connection to the young males out there, math teacher that's a male that I could see at the middle school level that could possibly, you know, change someone's lives at the middle school and set them up for success in high school and further on. So that's how I fell into this role.

Spencer Payne: And I suppose thank you to that professor who called you out. Cause sometimes, sometimes we need to be called out when it's coming from a good place by somebody. And it seems like she was coming from a good place of like, you think you're so smart. Why don't you teach this lesson? probably knowing that you seem like one to like a challenge rise to a challenge. That's your O it seems like. so I'll just go shout out to thank you to that person for kind of putting you on a path that you never thought you were going to go to that. That seems like it's a heck of a good fit for you.

Hakeem Young: Yeah, the shout out goes to Dr. Kelly Flaherty. That's who it was. I call her my baker mom, one of my baker moms. She held me accountable all the time.

Spencer Payne: Well, thank you, Dr. Kelly Flaherty. And you mentioned before, before deciding to get a teaching with this kind of push from her, you wanted to be a coach. And I would love to do a little bit of a deep dive here because you are coaching right now. So can you also paint a picture of like, what are, what are all the things that you're coaching right now?

Hakeem Young: So currently I am coaching at Spanaway Lake High School. I'm an assistant football coach. coach D-line, so varsity, JV, and C-team. As soon as that season gets done, there is no off season for me because I'm also the head girls wrestling coach at Spanaway Lake as well. And then I get about a month off from wrestling and then I go into Spanaway Middle's football season where I'm the head coach as well.

Spencer Payne: a lot. And there's one of those that's more that's that's, I'm just gonna say more interesting, just because I have not heard of the math teacher who wants to be a role model to young males who is the girls wrestling coach. So we're going to dig into that one a little bit, especially exploring kind of a little bit of a theme for you that is along the lines of, you know, how do you get students, athletes, parents to kind of buy into your story, your recruitment pitch, your approach, how you're going about things, because you're approaching this not from let's go win the state title, but a very different perspective. So can you share a little bit of, if someone is going to join your girls wrestling program, what are the expectations you set? What is the recruiting pitch that you sell to them? Why should they join your team?

Hakeem Young: so I got into girls wrestling. It kind of fell into my lap because I did one years as an assistant for the boys team. the girls head coach was retiring at that time and their program was kind of on the downfall and the boys head coach, Chris Chambers, he was like, dude, you just have that charisma that could possibly be the spark to bring it back. And I was like, super hesitant because I'm a first year teacher getting ready to take on.

You know, my first year teaching, I'm coaching high school football now to add on head position. And I was like, you sure I can do that? And he's like, yeah, don't worry. I'll teach you everything about the paperwork. You just go be you. And so how it started is because I'm at middle school, I start talking to my middle school girls, especially ones that seem to get into fights a lot and are just more aggressive. That's where I start first, just because now that gives them a safe outlet. You know, if I can get them hey, just make it through the day till you get to practice and now we can let out all that anger and aggression on the mat in a safe manner because that's how I was. I grew up. I had some trauma going through my lives and football and wrestling was there. I didn't know how much I loved wrestling until I started coaching girls because they listen way better than the boys. I hate to say that. At the end of the day, they listen better.

But how I approach it is, I don't care what level you are. I don't care. I'll take a first year wrestler. We've put at least eight or nine into the state tournament. I average at least one new brand wrestler at the state tournament every year, and I'm at eight years. It's all about, are you willing to put in the work when it comes to wrestling? Because it is a sport that you only get out what you put in. It's you versus everyone. And so it...

It's one of those sports where I have to build their own self-confidence, and which in today's age, that's really hard to do because there's a lot of negative out there with the social media and bullying and things like that. But with wrestling, it gives them a place. And honestly, I tell them, we will become your next family. That's how I'm going to treat you. I'm going to treat you like you're one of my kids. I'm going to push you like you're one of my kids. And the expectations are high.

I care about the student athlete. I do not care if they ever win a match in their high school career as long as they cross that graduation stage. With our program, it took till last November for us to be able to say this. We are a 100 % graduation rate for any girl in high school that starts with us. If you even come your junior year, we find a way to make sure you graduate. And so the recruitment starts early.

And what's nice is if I can get older sisters, I try to get the younger sibling because they're stuck coming to it. So it's like, come on, your sister gave me a year, you give me a year. And so I make it open and inviting. And so we do have a contract. It's got high standards. I expect you to be at practice every day. If not, you have to communicate. It's like a job. I want you to communicate because here in Washington, it's a no-cause state. You can get fired for no reason. They ain't got to tell you. think about it, growing up, we were always taught to be on time for work. Five minutes is late, 15 minutes is early, kind of mentality of being in the military. I hold their grades very high. For WIAA, it says I can allow a wrestler to have an F to wrestle. I try to go a zero F policy  which is hard because there are some tough classes and things like that. But if you have an F, we're creating an action plan. I've brought in three other female coaches. So one of them being my wife, Willa Ward-Lyttoner Young, Makayla Reach, and then I brought in Adila Edge last year on to my squad, who is my academic and mental health coach. So legit, her job is to check all of my girls' right?

Every Monday we do mental toughness because we got to be mentally tough and especially for girls, it can get ugly real quickly. I found out this year, I had a girl who was struggling and at first we didn't realize it, but as the season went on, we noticed some changes with her and then luckily because of her, Coach Edge and some of the training she went to, she was like, we need to, we got to get the counselors involved and possibly save this girl's life.

Spencer Payne: Yeah.

Hakeem Young: That's one of those things that I, they're my kids at the end of the day. Yes, there's someone else's that I borrow for four months and for four years, but I tell them, you're my kid for life and I don't care. I'm going to do what's best for you. And yes, you may hate me. She hated me for about a month. And then it was about July. you know, after she crossed the stage and everything, cause she was a senior and she's like, I appreciate it. So do I see the results of my labor early? No, I don't. You know, like, I get girls that I talk to in sixth grade, I have to wait three years for them to come to the high school and then they finally join wrestling or they wait till they're sophomores because they're like, oh, I don't want to try out this year. So, yeah.

Spencer Payne: Yeah. Well, I'd love to dig in a little bit here. I'll ask a couple of questions. I'm also going to frame some of this of like, Hey, everyone listening. If you're thinking about how does recruiting people for the girls wrestling team apply to me? Like I'm going to share a lot of things of how this could apply to starting any club, any team, whatever it may be. So one of the things that you're doing is, you know, recruiting people early, right? You're in middle school, you're teaching kids, you're talking about ' Hey, when you're in high school, I'd love to have you on the wrestling team. Here's the type of things that you're going to do.' So you're recruiting early. You're also recruiting strategically. You're not just necessarily everybody. but maybe some select people who have traits that wrestling might be good for, like you shared earlier, some people a little bit more aggressive. just, they're, it just seems like maybe in their blood, in their genes, like wrestling would be a good outlet for them. So you're recruiting early and strategically.

You're also sharing that you have their long-term best interest in mind. You don't care if they win a match. They probably will, but you don't care if they do or they don't. You're there to be part of a family and to help maintain 100 % graduation rates for everyone who goes through your program. Like, so you're talking about being playing the long-term game for their long-term best interest, whether they ever win a match or not. Winning is irrelevant and you're holding a high standard, right? You mentioned a contract that you have people sign.

And I'd love to dig into that contract. But again, I'm just stepping back of any teachers out there. If you want to recruit people to a class, a new class that you're teaching a new group, a new sport, whatever it is, like you may not think that this applies. Like all these things apply. Like how are you looking out for the long-term interest of the student? How do you back that up? How are they going to be better off because of that? What's your macro goal? Like a hundred percent graduation rates. I don't care if you win a match. That's not what we're here for. If you win, cool.

Recruiting early and recruiting strategically. These are all very, very smart ways of going about approaching this that I just want to highlight. They can apply to anything. Now, with all that being said, I would love to dig into that contract. Can you share a little bit about that upfront contract? Where'd that come from? What are people signing up for when they join your team? What are the expectations? And how do you maybe, how do you enforce those? Because sometimes it can be really easy, like you said earlier, I try to hold this policy, but sometimes it's going to be hard. So when maybe do you veer off and make an exception? like, I'd love to go ahead and attack that however you'd like to, but where this contract come from, what's on it, how do you enforce it? And how do you make exceptions and why?

Hakeem Young: So the contract actually came from the boys coach because you know with having almost 80 kids out You know, how can I hold a standard and hold these kids to something? And it's also one of those things that it's a piece of paper that backs up your decision-making To where you already have something in place that both the athlete and their parent have read and have signed so When those hard conversations have to come about You can bring out that piece of paper at line A dot C, you sign stating you understand this. I adopted it to the girls. First one is, you'll be on time, you'll be present. And if not, you have to at least inform us that you're not gonna be here. And it's not, no, you're telling me at 3.30 I've practice started. It's a prior notice, like a job. That's one of them. Hygiene, because with wrestling, you have to be very hygienic, because  the spread of skin diseases and things happen and illness. So they gotta shower, you know, after every practice, after every tournament. Then there is attendance of school. You have to be in school the day before the competition, right? Attend practice, you have to be in every single class, day of competition, or you will not compete because that's part of the Washington Interscholastic guidelines as well, so I stole that from them.

Academics, you know, we will maintain, you know, and I don't say a certain GPA because I don't, every kid is going to be different. Not every kid can give me all A's or LB's, you know, you're going to get those C's. But the goal is we don't fail classes, right? In life, we don't fail, so we don't give up, we keep trying. So the goal is, you know, yeah, you can have an effort and still wrestle, but we're creating an action plan of how we can get that F up to where it's a C. Then we have our winter attendance because we're over winter break. So that means we still got to compete. We're still competing. We may have one or two tournaments. So you still got to be there at practice, right? And if you're not going to be there, once again, like our attendance policy, you got to let us know beforehand. It's not no, I hate the excuse kids. well, this just came up. Come on now. You've known that you're going on vacation for this long. Like it's not this just, we randomly went on a family vacation nowadays with house events of everything is.

From there, it's just the last one is the, do have a parent one where they don't get to choose who the coach is. That's going to be in their kid's corner because at tournaments, it's a madhouse. I could be in one gym. Yes, you prefer me to coach your daughter, but it's not always going to happen. And so, cause we've had some parents in the past that get upset. Well, I don't like how this coach coaches and I'm like, I don't care. They're gonna have a coach in the corner, that's all that matters at this point in time. And this forces my coaches as well to get to know every wrestler and figure out what they're good at, what they're bad at. Because sometimes when I'm not coaching them, I get to see things that I didn't notice, you know, cause now I'm not in that coach mode. I get to see it from an outside perspective. And the last one is the 24 hour rule.

If a parent is upset about a decision that I've made while the wrestler isn't wrestling, while they're not doing this or that, and they're heated or upset, they can invoke the 24 hour rule, which that means, hey, I want a meeting within 24 hours. What that allows me to do is one, get an admin there because I want a third party to witness it and have my admin support. Two, this allows us to have both calm down because I've seen and been a part of work, you know, at the end of a game,  you know, here comes a parent that's angry about playing time or such and such, and it doesn't go well. And then you say some things in that conversation that should not be said, and it could do some real damage to, you know, the athlete's mental state, also the relationship that we're trying to build, because like I tell my parents, we're a triangle. Your kid is at the top of the triangle, so me and you gotta be a strong, firm base. And if something's off at the base, that kid's not gonna perform like they're supposed to. And so...

That's just kind of how our contract goes. And it's nice to have because when kids do mess up. Okay, here it is. Line A, you sign the contract. Because I also don't let them compete until I get that contract. So that's.

Spencer Payne: And real quick, can you share also a little bit of, there anything in that contract that you are signing up for that they might be able to go and say, Hey coach line to be like, you said you were going to do this and you maybe didn't do this yesterday. I'm just curious to hear, like, is it, is it a all sides have this? Like, what are you signing up for also?

Hakeem Young: Yeah, yeah, it's all sides. Yeah, there's all sides. For me, it's the same thing. I have to communicate, hey, I'm not going to be here. I'm a grown man. Why do I have to tell my own team I'm not going to be here? But I do. Guys, I'm not going to be here at practice tomorrow. Or I have to communicate with them as quickly as possible if anything does change. I maintain good hygiene because I'm a coach. I have to maintain, do the same things so they can hold me to the same standards.

Now they could hold me to the academic one because I am back into doing my masters right now. But I tell them, y'all will never outwork me and I keep my grades up. So don't come for me in my grades. So and then it's you know, with parents, they can ask questions and things like that. That's why I have it. kind of have an open door policy, you know, with them. If you got questions, let's go. We can talk. And I think that's the other thing that helps parents buy in is because I allow them, come watch practice. Come watch your girls. And you'll see why I'm mad and I'm yelling. If I kicked your kid out of practice because they're not going hard like they said they would in the contract, that's why. And so that also helps.

Spencer Payne: Well, thank you so much for sharing that. And can you also share, you shared a hundred percent graduation rates. Can you also share a little bit of when you took over the program, sounded like, again, there was a whole coach like kind of ramping down. Maybe the program was kind of on shaky ground. Can you share a little bit like how many, how many wrestlers did you have when you took over and how many do you have today? Just as another metric for people listening of, man, I want to turn this team around or turn this class around. Like, I want to go, like, what are the, can you share a little bit more about this quote unquote success metrics, including just what's your participation when you started and what is it now?

Hakeem Young: Yeah, so when we started Coach Tony Curtis who was the head coach long time because his daughter was into wrestling He founded the team at the time when he took over back in like 2008 there was maybe five or six and At that time, you know, the Spanoia Lake girls were known for high academics, you know They they've even won an academic state title. They had one state champion  and that was back in 2015, Raquel Gray, who's come back and helped us coach too, just so that our girls get that aspect of, this is what a state champion was like and how they train. When I took over in the 2018 season, he was down to nine girls, and I was told only four were possibly coming back. So when I was told that, when I took over, I was like, oh, I'm gonna have to start doing some heck of recruiting so I could...

And so I just started, you know, any girl that I saw that I figured that was rough, tough, hey, you should come out for girls wrestling. You should try girls wrestling. And, you know, and then no knock to the basketball team at the time. They weren't very dominant. So I would be like, yo, do you want to come join a team that could possibly win a league championship real quick compared to basketball? Because that's really tough over there. We need numbers. It sometimes is a numbers game in wrestling. I would put that out. And then, you know, I go from okay, had four signed up to now I have 16 my first year. And then, you know, we do the same thing. But this time we asked the girls, hey, bring one person with you try to bring one person, you know, they bring a friend and then we went from 16 to 18 year two, year three is when we saw the boom, we went from 18 to 24. Then COVID hit. So our numbers went way down. So we were down to seven during COVID.

And I was like, my goodness, what are we going to do? And so first year that we came back from COVID where we had normal stuff, were back up to 24. And then the next year after that, because you know, we've been league champions a couple of times at this point. So now it's the popularity is growing. Kids know my faces kids that I saw in middle school that I tried to get to come out are now starting to come to the high school.

And they're like, we wanna wrestle for you. And I'm like, yeah, cool. Right? And then, you know, my team gets built around one or two girls who are really good, but they need all the pieces to be great. And so I'm like, I'll go find a girl who's super shy and you know what, I'll try it for a year. Give me a year. If you don't like it at the end of the year, you don't like the way your body looks, how your body feels, your mentality has changed. I'll buy your shoes off of you, no problem. You know, you never have to come wrestle again, long as you give me that adult conversation. Hey, I don't no longer want to do this. Cool, how much wear your shoes? All right, and then when I see them in the hallways, I say hi, how you doing? How are your grades? Because grades are still important to me. How's your family doing? Because you get to know these kids' families because you're with them for four months, spending a lot of times, weekends. So then we went to 32.

And then 32 became 34. And then two years ago, we had 51 show up. We finished the season with 39. so, and then, you know, due to injuries, we had 34 athletes still participating with our injuries and our managers. And then currently, I checked our numbers right now, and I haven't even tried to go into the high school and try to recruit yet. We're sitting at 40 girls signed up.

Spencer Payne: Wow. So you've taken this program over that timeframe from maybe, maybe you can count them on one hand to, you know, maybe as high as 50, maybe as low as 40, somewhere in this range, all with a 100 % graduation rate so far that you've maintained, all with, if someone's getting enough, they're putting out a plan all with this, all with this hard upfront contract. It's not like you're recruiting people of just like, yeah, we're gonna have a part of this. Have a great time. Everyone just calm. you're all you're there's high expectations, right that come along with this, including that contract. And one thing that you shared too that I will highlight again for.

How do I build this new class I want to build? You gave people a very easy way to say yes and a very easy off ramp, right? Like just try it. If you don't like it, try it for one season, just one season. If you don't like it, no risk to you. We're still going have a great relationship. I'll say, how do you in the hallways? I'll still ask you how you're doing. I'll buy your shoes off you. No hard feelings whatsoever. If you don't like it, I'm not going to force you to do something you don't like, but just, give me a try. Just give me a try for one year.

So you give people a very easy, no risk way to say yes with an easy on ramp that like they S they S they still get to have a relationship with you. It's not going to be every day because they're not going to see you every day wrestling. but like there's no, there's no damn ramifications. There's no like, you know, some bad coat. If you're not on my team, then you're giving me nothing to me. Like you're not doing that at all. Right. You're making this very easy to say yes. And even very easy to leave if it's, if it's not a good fit. so I just can't stress enough. Like I appreciate you sharing all that detail and the numbers that you've been able to,

Hakeem Young: Yeah.

Spencer Payne: create and the macro point of, you didn't start with every year. have one girl go compete at state. You started with a hundred percent graduation rates. That's the first thing I'm after all the accolades and you can maybe win state or we can do all this cool stuff as a team that comes after that. You're looking out for the long-term interest of the kids first. So thank you so much for sharing that story. Anybody listening, you can apply these principles to something beyond the wrestling team. You apply this to a lot of different stuff.

now we talked a lot about coaching. Let's talk about teaching. so in, in this, you know, eight plus years, kind of in the classroom teaching, cetera, any proudest moments, stand out to you. And maybe these are also involving some, some coaching that you've had because it's very, you're coaching every single season, right? So it's a very big part of your life.

Any proudest moments after eight years of coaching and teaching that rise to the top for you that still maybe, maybe they may even make you tear up because it's such a powerful moment that maybe you or your team or your student had anything rise to the top for you.

Hakeem Young: Honestly, there's a lot, especially with the kids that I've seen, where I've seen and know their background. And I know they got the deck stacked against them and that they're still finding ways to get themselves to schools every day, find ways to get themselves to athletics. And they're putting in their studies. It's tough because it's like every year,  I got those onesie twosie kids on the team that for sure you I don't know how you did it. Like the deck was stacked against you. And it's just hard because now that I'm getting older, I like I figured it out. Like my dad, I say I'm getting softer. So my emotions graduation day is when the girls really get to see me and the boys from football get to see me just relax around them because I've been this hard committed, know, constant person that's on their case about their grades. You got to take care of this. You got to do this.

And like I tell them, my job is finally done when you cross that stage. And it's weird to think I've been with a kid six, seven, eight years and now I don't get to see them every day. I don't get to check on them. Did my, you know, did I do everything I was supposed to do as a coach, as a teacher, as a mentor to set them up for success when I'm not around. kind of, and that's why I tell these kids, if you, I don't lie to them, if you ain't got a dad, I'll be your next dad. If you need this in your life, you need this, whatever you need for me to play in that role, I will be that role. it's, graduation day is when the girls tend to see me cry, like, because I'm just so happy and excited that you've made it. You know, I've had guys, some of my football players, we're down to the wire.

We're staying up late doing their homework. We gotta get this homework done, dude. You can't, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go. We gotta push. And my athletes, my boys, it's tough. Senior nights are tough because I now know you're done and I won't get to see you every day and make sure you're okay. so it's, like I said, with the 100 % graduation rate thing, I've seen it's anywhere, a class is anywhere from seven to 11 girls you know, almost up to 33 boys. I'm 44 kids that I know personally, you know, just and been through the grind with for six, seven, possibly eight years, or if I've known them longer, because they were mini-mes, you know, coming to their older brothers and sisters practices, and I've watched them grow up in the youth programs, and it's just, that's my proudest moment.

Yeah, when we win, you know, in playset state, you know, I've had girls who are broken, battered, bruised, you know, dislocated shoulders. And it's just to ask for, come on, one more time, get up one more time. I need you to get up one more time and watch them get up and still grit those teeth and bear down and let's go one more time. Because I'm like, that's what's gonna happen in life. Life will beat you down and you just gotta find a way to get up. And it's just watching them get up, meet the challenge and overcoming it. It's, yeah, right now I'm starting to just thinking about some of my former athletes. It's, I've been on a wild ride for these past eight years and to think I still got many more to go as long as they have me.

Spencer Payne: well, I certainly hope they will after the stories that we're hearing today. and if I may, middle school and high school, you're spanning both in the classroom and in coaching. And in some ways that can be some of the hardest, this can be the best. There are some of the hardest times in people's lives. And where I go with this is you are based on the contract and how you're speaking of like, you get beat down, we get right back up. Like you're setting a high expectation.

And sometimes, kids maybe haven't had a high expectation before, and that feels too much. It feels like, you're pushing too hard coach. how do you, guess, how do you think about that? How do you balance that? Especially when, you know, you know what it takes to go play collegiately, like not quite D one, right? Not quite, not quite reaching the goals. Then trust me, I want to be a pro baseball player. wasn't good enough either. but like,

How do you kind of think about that? Do you have kids who push back? You're being too tough. Parents are being too tough. And then they come back and maybe thank you four years later when they graduate. How like I guess in the short term, do you question yourself? Like am I being too hard? Like, am I not being hard enough? How do you think about that for yourself? Because in that time in life, sometimes you might be pushing kids harder than they've ever been pushed before. And some might like that. Some might really need that they need that and some might push back.

Hakeem Young: Yeah.

Spencer Payne: Some might need it, but they don't know they need it yet. And so they're kind of like they're on the fence How do you think about that that kind of? Am I pushing too hard? Am I not pushing hard enough that one kid quit should I have been more lenient? Like how do you hold the standard? guess especially at times when some kids maybe are questioning why you push so Hard and how do you still get people to buy in when you push so hard? How are you doing this?

Hakeem Young: Yeah. So when it comes to the academics, I tell them, like, even my kids nowadays, I'll let them see my transcript. Like, I am not perfect. That's the first thing I tell them. I'm not perfect. I made mistakes. In seventh grade, I had a teacher that I went from because I knew the math and it was easy. I was cool, breeze. Then it became hard. I became a turd in her class  and she never gave up on me, even when I was a turd. She would bring me in for extra tutoring and things like that, which, bless her heart, I cannot remember her name, but I know she's probably passed on and rolling in her grave laughing at me because now I'm in her situation where I do it all the time. And so with the academics, I tell them I understand, but we gotta push. Even if it's just a C, we're gonna get you to a C.

And then, OK, once we got to see how can we get to a B, it's steps. I'm not telling them to do it in one giant leap because I know they'll get overburdened. Their minds will, they do not have the prefrontal cortex to handle all that. And then I'll completely lose them. So we truly, truly try to break it down into small chunks for them. So let's do this. And then let's do this. What's most important to get done first so that they kind of check that, get a checklist going, boom, I've gotten this done, I've gotten this done. Because then they can see it happening in front of their own eyes, that they're completing these things, which then in turn will raise their grade. That's for academics, right? For athletics, what tends to happen is I start them all off where they, this is where I want you to be. Now, what is your goal? What do you want from me? How do you want me to coach you, right? Do you want me to just, are we, you're just here to be a part of the team, have fun, learn wrestling, be a part of something?

Or, okay, are we trying to win tournaments? You know, are you trying to win tournaments? Okay, are you trying to win multiple tournaments? Are we now trying to go to state? yes, yes, I have to. I have to because not every person's the same. I've had a girl who was our three-time, my first three-time placer, her mental state, if I got too hard some days, it would be, I would send her into a meltdown.

Spencer Payne: And will you coach people differently based on their answers to those questions? Yeah.

Hakeem Young: She cries, she just wanna quit. And so I've had to learn to ask them, you know, or also I give them that coach. I am not here today fully mentally. Do not, do not push me, right? So now I at least know where like one of my athletes, she's like, I wanna be a state champion. Cool. Now I'm about to be nitpicky about everything you do and you're not gonna like me. I'm gonna, every little piece of your technique, I'm going to try to tear apart and find a way and find a hole. Where this one, you know what, you let me know today's not that day. Cool. You know what, you may look a little sloppy. Hey, you made it through practice. I'm glad you made it through practice because that could have been the day I sent her away. You know, so I've learned that because, you know, and I've had it to where me and an athlete, we've gotten to full on arguments.

My home girl, Mahogany Lewis, we used to get...she's just like me and we would just butt heads. We'd have to argue it out and get all our emotions out, right? And then some days she'd be like, you know what coach, let's go. I'm gonna full go at you and you're just gonna take it. And I'm just like, cool. So I'm about to just be a punching bag and get beat up because she's had a bad day. And that's where the buy-in comes in. So then I start raising the standard. And what ends up happening is I set a standard one year for the team, the girls will meet it, and then if I'm not at that standard starting the next year, they're like, coach, you're getting soft. What's going on? Because it was my, two years ago, had some, a high class, right? I had four or five placers, and so I started the season off intense their first year because I was trying to get them all in shape, and then the next year we had like 20 new girls, and I'm like,

Spencer Payne: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Hakeem Young: not trying to do all the same things that I did when, you you ain't got as many, so we got to get you in shape now and ready to go. And I was like, oh, coach, you're getting soft. And I was like, what do mean? They're like, well, you're not yelling like you used to, you're not making us run like we used to. And they were like, we're not winning like we used to as much. So we need old coach back. So whatever you need to do, coach, you need to figure that out and bring him back.

Spencer Payne: I can't, and by the way, on this one, can't, I gotta interject because that's such an, I don't know, I'm reacting to this of like, what a cool experience when you set a high standard that you know is gonna be hard and you have a team that meets it. And then they're so bought in that they can feel maybe when your standard is, maybe it went down from a nine to an 8.2.

Like, how do you, how do you, how do you feel in that moment? They're calling you out saying like, you hold a high standard and you're slipping a little bit. Bring it back. How do feel?

Hakeem Young: You know what? It reminds me I'm human. That's what it really does. you know, I can't, and it happens. And that's the whole point of this experience going through us with us. We want you to have that open conversation with us, those dialogues, because that's how it's gotta be. We're gonna have those tougher conversations in life where it's, you hey man, you're not giving your all. What's going on? Because then we can at least, okay.

Now we can see why you're not giving us that. And then, you know, when it happens, okay, let me tell you the truth. This is why. They're not excuses. It's just, this is what's going on. Because we really don't accept excuses, because either you do or you don't. It's, you either get it done or you don't get it done with wrestling. It's win or lose, sorry. And so it's okay. And then it's like, okay, this is what they want.

I got to snap back into it, you know, because there's times, you know, I would, man, I got 40 girls out, I'm trying to keep 40 girls out, when I didn't care if I had 40. All I needed was 16 or eight dogs to go into this fight that are willing to go fight tooth and nail for each other, not just me. And we can win this thing. And so, you know, sometimes that's where I go, you know, I don't care about your feelings today. We grinded and it's going to suck and you're going to suck it up, buttercup.

And if you decide you want to tap out, there's 12 doors you can walk out of and we'll see you tomorrow. Come back, you know, if you don't want to ever come back, cool, you know. But it's tough and I forewarn the girls at the beginning of the season, I say it jokingly, I'm an a-hole. I am an a-hole to you. I'm your biggest fan, your worst critic, your biggest hater. I will hate on you so much throughout the whole practice. I am trying to get you riled up and lose your composure. Because in the art sport, you have to maintain composure for the whole match or it could cost you. so, you know, that's one of those things I let parents know I am in during our parent meeting that we take an hour of breaking down the season and the contract and everything. I'm your daughter's worst hater, biggest critic, but also one of their biggest supporters.

And you will always hear me at the end of every tournament, I don't have a voice because I yell. I tell them like how my high school coach told me, you will hear me through your head here. You will know when I'm talking to you. You'll be able to hear me in the crowd. And so that it just goes through and you're able to still do it. We need you to do. And so it's one of those feelings that's awesome to get called out, but at the same time it freaking sucks. Cause I'm like, gosh, dang it. just, you know, I want it to be an 80 % today and I don't got the energy for it. And they're like, nah, you got to bring that back up. And cause I'm normally, I'm a hype man. You can see how I am. Like I like the girls that have the best of everything. I liked everyone to know we're here. You know, you're going to go through us if you want something and embrace that challenge. So it sucks when they call me out.

Spencer Payne: Well, one thing I do want to call out, for to have high expectations and they push people to a place that they didn't think that they could go. I think you got to show them that you care about them as a person. Like it's not about you. It's not about your ego. It's not about Wednesday titles. Like it's about unleashing human potential. It's about elevating the human spirit. It's about tapping into something that I see in you that maybe you don't even see in yourself. And that comes through in spades, which is the way you talk about the team and a hundred percent graduation rates and like your focus is on building long-term people so that they can be prepared for life. And when you push people, when you push them hard, there can be pushback if they don't think you're coming from a genuinely good place in their long-term best interest.

And it sounds like you've laid that foundation from when you had them in middle school to then join the team of like, you've laid that foundation that there's a, there's a trust. They believe that you're pushing them to reach their best potential in their long-term best interest. So I don't want to, I don't want to lose sight of that. Like that's coming through in spades with the way you talk about this. And without that pushing people is a lot harder because they're wondering like, are you doing this for me or are you doing this for yourself? And it's pretty obvious that you're doing this for them, not for yourself. So thank.

Hakeem Young: Yeah, I definitely get that.

Spencer Payne: So thank you. Thank you for sharing your approach on this. is an incredible story. Again, I'll recap, right? Girls wrestling team from you can count on one hand, how many people are out there to...

You're at its high 50, sometimes 40 now after doing this for eight years with a hundred percent graduation rates. I mean, it's just, it's an incredible story with a contract upfront that you signed. They signed their parents sign, right? With high expectations. and the girls even call you out if you're slipping one day and they don't think your expectations are high enough. It's just an incredible story that, that thank you so much for sharing. and that will, we'll dig into a couple more, just quick hitter questions as we wrap up. You did mention getting your masters, and you're going through that process right now.

Why right now to choose getting your masters? Why is the timing right? And what are you hoping that unlocks for you after you finish that?

Hakeem Young: Timing's not right. I just got tired of my friends and my wife and my coworkers getting on to me that I need to go back and get my masters. And I would give them every excuse why not to. And they're like, you wouldn't do that for your wrestlers. You wouldn't allow them to give you an excuse. wouldn't let your students give you an excuse. So stop giving excuses and just do the paperwork and get in. With my masters, that'll allow me to it gets me into physical education.

Spencer Payne: Ha!

Hakeem Young: So if I decide to leave the math realm, I can now jump into physical education, which now I can see these kids and the athlete portion as well. So now helping with nutrition and health and that portion of the game. I've also been asked to come up to the high school because of just how I am with the kids and things like that. And by having my master's in PE, that'll allow me to do that.

Spencer Payne: Yeah, perfect. And for a brand new teacher out there, maybe this is their first year, maybe they're three weeks on the job right now, because we're recording this in September and this new school year kind of just started. What's the number one piece of advice that you might give to a brand new teacher who's traversing through their very first year as a full time educator?

Hakeem Young: First things first, do not be afraid to ask for help. Don't let yourself get drowned with all the things that are going on with the first, the start of the school year, because trust me, I get drowned every year. Find a veteran teacher to talk to and confide in. I have one who's still here when I joined, Denise Angerman. I called her mom. Anytime I was struggling with something, I was like, Mom, I need help. Mom, can you help me with this? You know, and she was always willing to help me. And then I also had, like I said, a great team that was super supportive of my first year. So go into those team meetings with an open mind, trying to find a mentor and someone that can help you out through these times. Because trust me, it gets hard as a first year teacher because you don't know everything.

Spencer Payne: And what to you is the number one best thing about this profession? What's kept you in it for so long when you never thought you were gonna be here?

Hakeem Young: It's honestly as much as they get on my nerves, it's the kids and watching them just grow and finally make those connections that in life that, you know, how their education is going to help them in life. And when they make those aha moments and then when you get to see them as middle schoolers to now you're graduating and then now you're going to college and now you're having kids and they're like, coach, look what I've done. They keep coming back to you and showing you, you know, they want you to be proud of them still, of all the hard work that they've put in. that's, every year I'm like, man, I'm quitting. And then I get a student that comes back and says, Mr. Young, I really want to be in your class, or I remember this time in your class, or man, I wish I would have listened to you. And then it just fills the cup back up. And I'm like, you know what? Let's do it another year.

Spencer Payne: What's one thing you wish the greater public at large knew about the education and coaching professions that you feel like they just don't, maybe they just don't quite understand. So if you were to put somebody else, walk a year in my shoes, here's the number one thing I wish you'd learn about this profession that maybe you don't appreciate if you're not in it.

Hakeem Young: I care about your kids more than I do my own kids at times. I have to put your kids needs and wants and things that they need in the classroom or athletics before my own family sometimes. I legit do care about your kid. I spend 180 days, half of a year with your kid, get to know them. And sometimes you don't get to see your kids in ways I do that...

You know, and it's an eye-opener when you get to see, I've seen some kids, when they're around their parents, completely different kids. And then when they get to school, they open up, they're themselves, they're happy-go-lucky, and I do care about your kid at the end of the day. It is, yeah.

Spencer Payne: Yeah. And for folks listening, teachers, maybe prospective teachers out there, any new words of wisdom, anything that you wanted to share in this that we just didn't have a chance to get to that you, you got to get it off your chest or anything that you did say that's just so impactful that like, we got to go circle it in the book and write in the notes and highlight it because it's something you want to repeat. So any new or repeated final words of wisdom.

Hakeem Young: listen to your kids. Let them talk to you. And then also, you know, tell them a little bit about yourself and make that connection to show them that you're human and you understand where they're coming from. Like, we can empathize with them because we've been in their shoes before, but we're not also dealing with some of the same issues that they have, that we had growing up. It's completely different, so.

Spencer Payne: Well, Hakeem Young, great real stories from a real educator. Thank you so much for, for sharing a little deep dive on this girls wrestling program. Listen to your kids and as an educator. Yeah. You might just care about your, you might just care about these kids in class and then your school programs. Then, dare I say sometimes your own kids, cause you see them more often. So thank you so much for sharing your story. Appreciate you. I keep doing the great work.

Hakeem Young: Thank you for having me.