How Teachers Can Be Role Models with Hakeem Young

Please note, this transcript is generated by AI and may include some errors. 

Spencer Payne: Okay, here we are with another episode of Front of the Class, Real Stories from Real Educators and a fantastic repeat guest, Hakeem Young. Thank you so much for coming back and doing this again with us. For a reminder, or for those who maybe didn't catch the first one, can you give us again a little background of how do you introduce yourself to other educators? What do you teach? Where do you teach? How long? What are you coaching?

What do kids expect from your classes? However you'd like to take that, how do you introduce yourself to other educators?

Hakeem Young: Thank you once again Spencer for having me back. I am Hakeem Young. When I go in the rooms, depending if it's a classroom, business, professional, Mr. Young or Coach Young is what I prefer. Like I tell my students until we really get to know each other, please don't call me by my first name. It's just one of those respect things to set the standard. I currently teach at Spanaway Middle School in Spanaway, Washington. I've been here for, this is year eight.

I teach sixth, seventh, and eighth grade math depending on the year. I'm also a co-teacher, so I work with the special education teacher in the math classroom. So our students that fall under with IEPs and 504s. Sports I coach, I just wrapped up girls wrestling. I also coach high school football and middle school football, which we are gearing up to start here very soon, which actually leads into our segue of young men and mentoring them.

Spencer Payne: Yeah, on that, you mentioned respect and kind of setting that tone with respect. So with young men today learning respect, before we get into how you approach kind of teaching that, sharing that wisdom, let's walk back to you at that age. And can you share a little bit about, you know, who were your role models? Who did you learn from? Who did you learn respect from being on time and things like that? Who did you look up to and what did they do that struck you that you still utilize today?

Hakeem Young: I learned respect the hard way, as most young men do, that little gentle hand of my father, my uncles, and especially my grandfather is where respect came from. Being on time, being early, my father was in the military. A lot of my uncles were in the military, so when you show up on time, you're late. So being early is the 15 minute prior to the 15 minute prior is on time. And my grandpa, he was where it came from. He hated being late for anything. And now I'm talking, could be to his own doctor's appointments, it could be going to the gas station. If he told someone he was gonna be there at 315, he's trying to be there by 310 because 312 is late. Cutting it close is late. And respect, it is a two-way street, is how my grandparents and my uncles, my aunts taught me is you gotta give it to get it and you gotta earn it to keep it. And it's one of those things that can be easily lost. You know, with trust at the same time, trust and respect are those two things that go hand in hand. With how I grew up is if I said something, you know, your word is everything.

So what you say, you best back up and do because...if not, people lose that trust and then they start losing respect into what you do and say.

Spencer Payne: And are there any examples where that really hit home or where maybe your word was not backed up by your actions and you had to learn the hard way, like what the repercussions of that were? how did that, this is all great wisdom, like this is all passed along, but like how did it stick for you? Like were there any lessons where, man, this really means it, I learned the hard way, like how did this all stick for you?

Hakeem Young: The first lesson was when my grandpa got me a job cutting lawns. He got me a job cutting lawns and you know he said if you're gonna cut lawns you're gonna do it this way. If not, you're not gonna cut lawns. So he got me two jobs which was funny. One of them was my great aunt and her neighbor which you know cutting lawns back then was $20 a pump. So that's $40 I could go make.

So he would drop me off with all the equipment, you know, and he would let me go. So he would go run his errands or hang out with my great aunt while I'm cutting old grass and doing everything like that. Well, I didn't do the lawn mowing job to the standard I said I was going to do. So I had gotten, I was at home already. My mom had picked me up. I was at home. My grandpa called my mom said he did not do the job that he said he was going to do. He came and picked me up and then forced me to do everything I said I was going to do on the flyer that I had put out. That was my word that he said, you know, this is what you said. You are this is the standard we set for you. You're my grandson. Everyone knows how I work. So therefore they expect the same thing out of you. So he, until I did the job to his standard, he held on to my money. So he said.

Spencer Payne: And how did that make you feel at the time? What's going through your head when this is happening?

Hakeem Young: At the time I was shocked that, you know, my grandpa would give up time of his day to come track me down, drive me all the way back, and then sit there and watch me do the job on his truck. And he goes, the worst part about this is the trust and respect that I had for you to do this job is gone. So now that means every time you're doing this yard, I'm gonna sit here and watch you versus you getting to do this on your own, becoming a young man who's making his own money.

So he did that for about two months. If I said I was cutting the yard, he pulled up, he sat in the back of his truck and waited until I got done. I had to sweep, I had to do all the little extra things that I said I was gonna do plus more because it was one of those things. It was his word that I was gonna do it because I'm his grandson, you know, and he's a very respected member of the community. So it was not fun for those two months of being watched like a hawk and being micromanaged.

Spencer Payne: Yeah, and how old were you at the time first?

Hakeem Young: I, that would have been about 12. So that, I got that lesson around 12, 13. So.

Spencer Payne: Okay. And then like two months later, he's watching you every time to make sure you're backing up your word. Did it stick after two months? Like, you just, did you just understand this is the standard, this is how I operate and okay, now at this point you learned the lesson? Like what happened after that?

Hakeem Young: Yeah, every time afterwards we'd have a conversation. So have you learned your lesson? Yes, Grandpa. What'd you learn? If I'm gonna say something, I'm gonna do something, I best do it to my best ability or at least let people know I can't do it. You know, at least take the ownership to tell people, due to time constraints, I'm not able to do this. So that means instead of getting paid $20, I may have to get paid 15 because I'm not doing the full job that I said I was going to do.

Which, when you sit back and think about it, it's like, man, I'm giving up $5 here to give that up. I'm like, back then, you know, it's $5 to fill up my gas can. And then $5 to buy string. And I'm like, man, I'm giving up money in my pocket. But it was one of those things that he was going to ensure not only me, but my cousins were going to do what we said we were going to do.

Spencer Payne: very powerful lesson and has it stuck and what do you try to translate like to your students today or your players today because you don't have the time to go watch what all of these kids do every single night and sit there on the back of the truck and watch them do their work and make sure that they're living up to their word like your grandfather did. But how do you try to instill some of the value of what he provided to you into your players and your  and your students.

Hakeem Young: First thing, it's like I tell them, I give them the respect. It's a two-way street, right? I give it to earn it, you know, and that's through my actions, all right? Where I tell them, I go, guys, nowadays, it's all about your actions because you can talk to me till you're blue in the face. It's by what you do every single day. Do you show up on time? Do you have all your stuff? Are you prepared, you know, for practice, for class? Do you have a pencil? Like, the littlest thing is, are you prepared to do your best that day? And then yeah, like I even tell like my high schoolers, I go, you guys forget I have eyes everywhere in this building. If you step a toe out of line, I'm gonna find out. Like, and I even tell my middle school kids, they don't believe us when we tell them football season is the season every teacher waits for because they know the boys are gonna be in line, they're gonna pay attention, they're gonna do what they're supposed to do.

Because if not, it's too easy to send an email to all the coaches to ensure there is some type of back end punishment because they know we're gonna hold them to a standard. Is it a fair standard? No, it is not. Honestly, sometimes it's not fair. But in life, it's not fair and sometimes you've gotta go above and beyond to get some of the simple things that you want in life. But at the same time, by doing that, when you tell people, hey, I'm unable to do it today, I can do it tomorrow, they're more likely to believe you and give you that grace that you've earned.

Spencer Payne: On this note, why do do it? Why do you try to go help set this standard that was instilled in you to this next generation? What do you see as the ramifications if you don't set the standard high and hold it? What do you think the ramifications are to young men today, the challenges that they face if they don't have someone like you who is helping them understand what the standard is, why we hold it, and what the ramifications that can lead to in the rest of their life look like. Like, if you don't do this, what do think happens? Like, why do you do it, and what do you think happens if you don't do it?

Hakeem Young: Well, the big thing about why I do it is because I know what it looks like when you don't have respect, you don't have these things, and it's hard to stomach when you look at our youth today where they're disrespectful, they don't want to hold themselves accountable, they want to blame someone else for their shortcomings when if you set them down and look like, okay, if you did X, Y, and Z, you wouldn't be in this position that you're in currently, right?

But by holding that standard, I look at it like this. I think my grandpa instilled this into us so hard because eight out of his nine boys spent some time in jail. And how do you change that? You have to be harder on certain things. Being tough on respect, how you look, how you dress. When you talk to people, you look them in the eye. And it's weird because in some cultures, yes, looking people in the eye is...frowned upon because that's just a sign of respect. But you start off learning those things. If that's their culture and their style, then you don't do it. But that's where you are being respectful, you know, trying to understand where people are coming from. And then later on in life, it comes back to help you by being having respect and manners. It can be the difference of you like me getting into college or not getting into college or getting a job opportunity versus not getting the job opportunity because you know what, I showed up on time, I was dressed right, I had the right attitude, you know.

So it can lead to opportunities that these kids don't even know. Yes, it sucks now that you're being held to these high standards. And why do I have to do this? Because unfortunately, at some point in your life, you're going to need this skill. And the soft skills are, we're not teaching them as much as we used to because we live in a day and age of digital where some of these soft skills have gone away. Like interviewing, like this interview right now for some of our youth would be really, really hard for them to do because they've never sat in front of someone and had to have a conversation.

Spencer Payne: And if they've never done that, or if they've never seen the ramifications of having an interview and not looking someone in the eye and shaking hands and not getting it and therefore not being able to fill their gas tank, like if they haven't faced that before, I guess, how do you make manners cool? Right? Like on some level, there's a little bit of like, you know, what you're trying to do is not just teach respect and manners and et cetera, but really understand why they matter and what they lead to. And sometimes what they lead to might be in the future or down the road, or you don't see the immediate benefit of doing some of these things. So guess, how do you approach trying to help kids see like...

All right, maybe this one time you don't get this benefit of doing it well, but here's where this goes, or here's where this leads, or how do you make this cool? How do you make this fun? How do you make respect and eye contact and looking people in the eye and things like that? Like, how do you make this seem like, why do I have to do that, but something that like, no, this is how we do it around here. Like, how do you approach that?

Hakeem Young: One way I've done it is one, I've talked to my kids. I've had some of our former high school players who fell short of college because of grades and things like that. And I asked them to come talk to them about the interview process and how things were. And they'd talk about, when you go into some of these interviews, they're looking to see, are you looking them in the eye? Are you making eye contact with everyone in the room?

And if you even look at it nowadays, if you look at the draft, which a lot of our athletes, when they're getting interviewed, they have to have a presence. And what's nice is in college, yes, they do teach you some of these things, there's classes for it, but it's like, why not have the skill beforehand? So that when we try to prep some of our high schoolers because the media's gonna come and talk to you, you've gotta be able to talk correctly to the media and not sound like a...

a dingbat or a doofus or you know, it's hilarious because even if you looked at Indiana's quarterback Mendoza, everyone made fun of him because of how he talked, but I'm just saying everybody wants to draft him. You don't worry about him. Just by his presence and how he carries himself, it can be like, man, do I really have to watch after this kid or is this kid grown up? Same thing with Bo Nix. That's what helped him with when he got to Denver, you know, they had him ready for an interview. He went in, he studied, he came prepared. He impressed Sean Payton. And then what's funny is I read an article the other day talking about how getting prepared for the draft, Jamarcus Russell, one of the high famed quarterbacks of LSU failed it because they sent him a tape that he was supposed to have studied, that he said he studied, but it was a blank tape.

So yeah, it was blank. There was nothing on it. So when they asked him questions about it, he completely bombed it. so doing those little things that, it may seem uncool, well, why do I have to do this now? Because eventually this is a skill you're gonna need later on. And it's tough. You know, we're trying to shift. We're doing a mental shift this year for football where I saw it online and I was like, I'm gonna try to steal it. It was a guy talking about how his kids get in trouble, not for negative, for not being positive to each other. So not, hey, if someone makes a mistake, someone didn't go, hey man, it's okay. We all make mistakes, we know you've made plays before, let's go, you got the next one. Or if we're not full speed and just trying to get the kids to see the positive within their teammates, because we see how fast it is that if you go at each other, you tear each other down and quickly it becomes now you're worried about trying to do someone else's job and you no longer trust them, right? That trust and respect goes out the window.

So now you're trying to do their job because you don't trust that they're gonna do it. You don't have the respect in them that they're gonna do what they said they were gonna do. So we're trying to flip that. It's gonna be new. It's gonna be hard. Trying to stay positive when a kid makes a mistake because it's like, my gosh, I've taught you how many times. But I have to be willing to change if I want to make a change. know, because the way I was brought up, know, the rod was not spared. You know, and these aren't directly my kids, so how can I give, still have the rod instilled, but not actually use it?

Spencer Payne: Yeah, and have it be a metaphorical rod, right, so to speak. And one thing, so I actually have a...

part of the Big Brothers Big Sisters program and there was a time a couple years ago when you know heard you know maybe he was he was being a little disrespectful at times in class I was like all how do I how do I approach this I mean he's at the time maybe he's 11 I'm like I don't even remember what being 11 is like like I don't I have no idea right and so was like I don't know what my words are gonna be able to do so I went fishing on the internet actually what I remembered was I remember there was this there's this NFL football game where I believe it was the Patriots were at the Raiders and I think they were in Vegas. And there's this woman as a Raiders fan who is just screaming at this Patriots fan. And the Patriots fans just sit in this seat just calm, as calm as a cucumber. And this woman is, you know, pointing fingers, yelling at, I mean, she just looks savage.

And he is just, you know, eyes on the game, super calm. And I remember hearing that after this, Robert Kraft, the owner of the Patriots, ended up inviting this kid into like the Patriots box as like, wow, like I can't believe you showed incredible restraint. You're a Patriots fan, you go on the road and like you did an amazing job of just like showing restraint in this situation. And so I showed my little guy, this video and throughout I was just asking like questions like who do you think looks more powerful right now? And there's this lady standing screaming and this other guy just sitting there calmly in his seat and it couldn't be more striking of like who looks more powerful? He's like well he does the guy's sitting down. Like why? Well because he's just like he's calm like he's in control of the situation.

Hakeem Young: Yeah.

Spencer Payne: I'm like, this is, man, I'm so glad I remembered this, because this is way better than me talking about it. Like when you see an example and you can kind of look and see like who looks more powerful, who looks more in control in this situation. I think that goes a long way to help kids understand maybe the power of restraint or the power of just because someone's screaming at you doesn't mean you scream back.

Does it does that actually make you look more powerful when you're streaming back? No, the young kid who was just sitting there calm and just ignoring it. He looked like the most powerful person in the world in that video. And I couldn't speak to that. But showing it is incredibly, incredibly powerful. So I'm always looking for like little examples like this of like, how do I show and not tell and just kind of ask questions and like, what do you see? Who looks in control? Who looks more powerful? Who looks like the person who demands respect? Who looks like the person who's being insulting in this situation?

And maybe that video might be helpful as one to go back and find off to go find the actual video. But but but that's the one like there's a haters fan just screaming at a Patriots fan on the stands. And it's a great it's just a great example. And especially when you have the results that comes of like this young man got invited in the Patriots box with the owner of the team after this. not always going to happen that way. Right. But like sometimes when you do good deeds they get noticed.

Hakeem Young: Yeah, that is actually a good example. I'll have to try to look at that and show my athletes, because it's the same thing. I tell my athletes, just do what you're supposed to do. Be polite to the ref. Be calm. You can ask questions, but when you start questioning and getting in the ref's face, and we've seen it this year, you get kids that are getting injected where...

I got kids who go ask the ref a question and they come back smiling, laughing, giggling and, hey, can you please watch so-and-so using their manners? And I had a ref, he goes, you know what's probably gonna happen if they come to me with their manners and respect? I'm probably gonna pay attention to them a little bit more on the thing they just asked me about. And I was like, for real? And he's like, yeah. And so this happened at our Jamboree and then one game, I was like, dude, don't lose your cool just go up to the ref respectfully and let him know, hey, what's the issue? And then go from there. And he's like, for real, Coach? And I go, yeah. He goes, that's not gonna work. And I was like, trust me, it's gonna work. I know that ref. So legit, something happened in the first half. Like he goes up, hey, ref, I don't wanna complain, but this is what's happening. Can you please watch out for it? Right? So now by being respectful, talking to this ref with respect, he's like, yeah, I got you.

I'll make sure I pay attention to that. I swear, three minutes into the second half, flag, kids flagged for the same thing that he had the conversation with. And he goes, coach, he really just flagged him for that. And I go, yeah, because you used your manners. Yes, it may have not have worked right then and there. And you have the respect to talk to him, like man to man and professionally, that, hey, he's going to pay attention to, like you said, like that lady versus the lady screaming at you. I don't care at that point.

I don't care what you have to say, I'm not gonna help you, I'm not gonna be wanting to do anything for you if you're yelling at me and coming at me rudely. And so that's how I try to tell the kids, it's like, if you talk to us teachers with respect, I guarantee you we're gonna try to get to the bottom of your problem. Will it be right then and there? No, it probably won't be. And it's weird because as the kids get older and they talk to me, I got another graduating class of boys.

They go, coach, we feared you, but it was because we knew whatever you said, you were gonna back up to do. And so we had that respect for you that if you said something, like I gotta tell my kids, if you ask me to try to show up for something, I'm gonna do my best to show up. So like, and they don't believe me. And I'm like, try me, you invite me, I will somehow, I'll find a way. And if I don't, hey, it may be a FaceTime that I'm FaceTabbing you that is so I'm there and showing you, I'm legit working on something. I can't be there. And so it's being a man of your word and just sticking, being accountable. Like, yes, it is tough to be accountable for your actions, but we have to be.

Spencer Payne: Well, thank you for continuing to set that standard. I know it's hard, especially when sometimes you don't want to hold the standard because you're like, do I have to be the mean guy again? Don't make me do this again. Sometimes I'm like, I don't want to actually have to, I'm sure your grandpa, do you think he really wanted to spend his time for two weeks watching you go do that yard work? Was that fun for him? No way. But two weeks, two weeks of him doing that.

Hakeem Young: Thanks.

Spencer Payne: You now know what the standard is and that's paid off for the next 20 plus years and will continue for the rest of your life. And look at the ramifications it now has for all these other students and young people that come into your life. one could argue that's the lowest ROI time anyone could have. Two weeks to just watch a kid like mow the yard. You could also argue on the other end of that. That was one of the highest return on time investments he's ever made. Because not only did you start to do it the way he expected afterwards.

But look at the ramifications of the way that you teach all these other kids based on the example that he said Like really really powerful. You think he wanted to be there? There's no way

Hakeem Young: Now, knowing my grandpa, considering he was a member of the church, he was always doing something for the church, he had his garden, he was taking care of my grandma, I'm one of his many grandchildren, he could have been somewhere else. Now, yes, he was retired at the time, but still, between his doctor's appointments, seeing all his grandkids hanging out with my grandma, seeing him, he could have been doing other things, yes, or like he would always say every night, you know I could be fishing right now, but I'm here with you because you know I gotta make sure you do everything right because that's what we said we're doing. like he would throw those little jabs in, but it wasn't like all the time. He would just, you know. And it was the best part is like being with my grandpa, yes it was hard work. I knew it was gonna be hard work, but at the end of the day I knew it was respectable work and.

Spencer Payne: Hahaha

Hakeem Young: It was the, you know, I would go help him clean the church and I'm, you know, everyone tells you, I've seen you since you were, you know, this tall and we tall now look at you. I remember when, and then it's like, and they're like, man, they would just say, man, you did a good job cleaning the bathrooms. I'm like, all I did was take out the trash. Like, why does this matter? But it was one of those things that's that positive affirmation giving the kids, hey, you're doing something that, you know, to us may not seem very, you know, important in time, but now it's like, man, I'm getting kudos for just taking out the trash. Okay, what else can I do? What else? Okay. And then you just, it starts becoming one of those things that they look for more positive things to do. Especially, you know, in those teen years, it's tough. Like, our kids have a lot, you know, coming at them. They have a lot of opportunities to do positive and negative things within the community. And it's, you know, we always try to...

talk to our guys, get a group of friends that are on the same wavelength as you and have the same goals as you. And it's a lot easier to stick to the positives, no it's not gonna be easy, you know, versus then straying off where that's super easy to do.

Spencer Payne: You get more of what you reward. And so by just saying, you, thank you, you did a great job in the bathroom. Thanks for taking out the trash. Right? It doesn't take much to say that. And kid might never take out the trash again, right? But the kid also might like, wow, that's the first time I've a compliment in a month. Maybe I'll take out the trash again tomorrow. Right? You just never know what the ramifications are that you're gonna have there. On that note of, you know, taking out the trash and again, maybe that kid never does it again, right? Sometimes you just never know. I guess, how do you think about, I'm sure there's kids that you've tried to help push, help take to water and they don't drink. Like, how do you, how do you kind of in your own mind kind of balance like wanting the best for your athletes and your students and trying to give them a great example, but also recognizing that there's times when you can't want it more than they want it.

Right? You can only give them some advice. You can only take them to the pond, but you can't make the horse drink. How do you kind of balance that for yourself? And how do you think about that? Like, how do you get to a point where like, I guess I'm just gonna watch you make this mistake, maybe, and maybe hopefully you'll learn a lesson and come back to me. How do you balance that in your own way? And are there any examples that, and again, no names, please, right? But there are any examples that you might be able to share of maybe pushing kids too hard or not enough or I guess I'm gonna watch you make this mistake, but hopefully you'll learn lessons. So how do you balance that all for yourself? And then like any specific examples that you can share.

Hakeem Young: yeah, that one is tough. I've learned it. I've watched it. My older cousin, he was the one that was pushed too hard. I can say that my uncle pushed him way hard, but that was because my uncle was afraid my cousin was going to turn out like how my uncle turned out. And like, even as you know, like I would, we would do a lot of things together, me and my cousins. And the funny thing is me and my cousins are six months apart and there's five of us that are six months apart, I'm the youngest of the five because I was born in October. They're all May, June, April, July babies, so we were never in the same grade together, so they always had to watch after me. And they were kind of some of my role models at the time, but he got pushed. I mean, my uncle pushed him to do everything and then was on his case about everything.

So then...once my cousin got a little taste of freedom away from my uncle, he never looked back. And I can say, unfortunately, the life he lives is not the greatest life. It ended up causing him to be paralyzed, because the ramifications of your actions. He's paralyzed from the waist down because of his actions, and it sucks.

And then I have my older cousins, you know, who were still pushed hard and then they've gone by the wayside and then came back and become successful. And then that's the one thing is, is I've seen it go wrong. And then that's where I try to remember, hey, I, one, they're not my kid. That's the first thing I have to remember. They're not my kid at the end of the day. So I can only push them as far as I'm legally allowed. But the one thing I will tell them, regardless of what they do, as much as they don't want to drink the water, is regardless what happens, I'm here. I will be here if you need anything, I am here. So that they, you know, if they fall, if they ever, you know, have that twinkling, you know what, let me call Coach Young, let me call Mr. Young. I'm here for them because I know what it's like when, you know, I watched it firsthand what happens when it goes wrong.

And then I got those kids that, you know what, I've let go. They've gone, I didn't think they were gonna make it. You know, I got a few that decided, hey, you know what, coach, I'm joining the military. Like they decided, this is not the life I thought it was. This ain't the life I want. I want better for myself. I think about all the times that you've talked to me and now I'm joining the military to get that structure again, to get themself set right. And it's been amazing to watch them turn it around. And then you got those kids that listen from the get-go, you know, that do everything that you've asked them to do and you just watch them be successful. And then when you talk to them about it, they're like, I really didn't think what you said four years ago would stick. And then I'd be where I am.

Like I had one of my wrestlers, she wrote me a note, she's a senior. She was that goofy kid that I just allowed her to be her. I respected her for how she was. And at the end of the day, she's just very thankful that regardless of whatever happened, win, lose, draw, I stuck to the standard. I always gave her respect. And that's something that she'll always remember and take forward to do with not just herself, but with other people.

Spencer Payne: Any examples that you have had that you feel like, man, in that moment I definitely pushed too hard and maybe now it's time for me to actually go back to that kid or that teacher or whoever it is. I'm sorry, I took it little too far that time. Or other examples where you kind of gave a little bit of lax, like maybe I'll try this once. I'll be a little lax, I'll loosen up, be a cool coach.

Hakeem Young: Yeah.

Spencer Payne: And then you're like, nah, that was a terrible mistake. any examples where you've kind of overcorrected in either way, have been too strict and backed off, and how do you approach that? Or been a little too lax and that didn't work either. Any examples?

Hakeem Young: I've definitely been too lax. I've been over strict with a kid I already knew they had troubles, but then I just I was so nitpicky and then one day they did something and I just went off Like because I'm like I'm tired of it. I've been teaching you this This is how you're supposed to do it. You don't someone listen and I come to find out he's got a lot going on. And that was just that one day that, you know what, he just said, I don't care no more. Like, when I found that out, I felt real small, you know? But that's where the respect part of me is, I gotta go talk to this kid. Regardless if this kid doesn't wanna hear me or anything like that, I had to go and apologize. Because that's what we want them to do when they make mistakes and then they break our trust and our respect we want them to come apologize. So I had to learn the hard way. And it sucks, but it's one of those things that if I got to be able to show exactly what I preach, that I'm human, that I make mistakes, that I'm gonna be in the wrong, and then when I am wrong, I can admit that I'm wrong.

Spencer Payne: Do you, and I curious, do you remember how did you apologize to that kid? Was it private? Was it public? was it like, like, was it five minutes? Was it 12 seconds? Like, what do you remember about that?

Hakeem Young: I honestly...I did both. I did it both public and private. So first I pulled them aside privately and apologized, right? And, you know, said I was sorry for what I did and how I came about it. I could have came about it a better way. I was just irritated. I was fed up with, you know, their behavior. But then I also took the time at practice to say the same thing in front of everyone that, you know, hey, yesterday y'all saw me tee off.

And here it is, like we're all gonna do this. And that's where like, I think with the aspect of trying to change to that positive coaching, that's where that's gonna help not take away some of those moments, but it will keep those moments down for us so that we don't have them as much. And then times that I've been lax is, you know, with some of my leadership kids, you know, I allow them to, all right, you guys take control. And then next thing you know, they weren't ready for the situation. And so it's like, you know, me and my coaches were like, yo, that didn't work. So we got to tighten the reign back up. You know, we tried to be cool coaches, but cool coaches ain't getting it done. We look like crap. We sound like crap. So that whole practice was crap. So we're going to restart tomorrow and try again.

Spencer Payne: Anybody you follow? Anybody who as a role model who you like, who someone on Instagram coaches, wherever, like who do you follow? like, for example, you gave the example earlier of like, I'm gonna try, we're gonna be more positive this year in how we have the kids talk to each other. Who do you follow today for inspiration, examples, advice? Ooh, I'm gonna try that. Let's see if that works. Like, are there anybody, is there anybody out there that you're following right now that you wanna give a shout out to or that you're stealing things right now that you're trying to see if they're working?

Hakeem Young: Honestly, it's a lot of coaches. I can tell you, I can't think of their names off the top of the head. The Duke female coach, the one that said handle hard better, that's something that we tried to instill into the girls. We had to handle hard better. Indiana's coach, where I tell my kids at times, Google me. Like, I've done it, I've done it.

Y'all wanna know what, if you wanna know something about me, you wanna know what I'm about, Google me. And then like I had, you know, I got kids that didn't realize I'm partly famous, cause I'm on a podcast. I've been on TV. I'm like guys, only thing I haven't done yet is be in someone's book. Like I need a book and a movie and then I've done it all. and I was like, you know, and they were like, no, and I was like, yeah, I was on a podcast. They were like, right this fall, I got to hype up this podcast and they didn't believe me. And I was like, go look.

And they're like, my gosh, he really is. You know, Coach K, Bill Self, Kansas, you know, the old Bobby Knight, know, sometimes we gotta throw a chair and sometimes we've got to tell the truth about how a kid is. You know, Ray Lewis, Ed Reed, you know, some of those guys when I was growing up, I wanted to be like...you know, because I always play defense, so I wanted to be physical. And it's just, if you look at some of the things those guys did in the standard that they did it, being a part of championship teams, it became a championship mindset. And then, you know, I have my coaches that were always in my corner, you know, growing up, my football coaches, my wrestling coaches, mom, dad, this is, it's just tough, because I've stolen, I will not say, I've not, I haven't created a lot, but I've stolen a lot and reinvented it to make it fit me.

Spencer Payne: Yeah. And I'll throw out two more on HBO, I think. There's a documentary of Nick Saban and Bill Belichick just talking football for like two hours. And some of the nuggets that just casually get dropped, because those guys aren't exactly like, wait for this moment. then they're not like, especially Bill is not some emphatic guy. So sometimes he'll just mutter something and you're like, that was brilliant. Turn that back up, rewind that. But that one was really, really good. And then there's a guy down in Georgia named King Randall, who like, he's doing all kinds of really, really cool stuff for his local community. Like he's teaching kids how to change a tire, change oil. You he's got a couple of boys who are learning baseball and he's like, I never played baseball, so I'm trying to figure this stuff out so I can be the coach. And he's quoting Bible verses to them and kind of just making sure that they understand the concept of like, to get ready for the game, we're gonna practice these ground balls like a lot. You're gonna be pretty sick of fielding ground balls, but that's also when the game happens, you feel great about fielding ground balls.

So there's a couple that, there's a lot of people out there doing some really, really cool stuff I just wanna shout out to. As we wrap up here, any final or repeated kind of words of wisdom out there for folks who are...kind of in especially leadership positions for especially young men today, whether it's in school or in coaching as players or as students of, know, what are some of the, what advice out there, what nuggets do you want to share? What do you have for folks who are in a position to be leaders to young men in today's world of what advice would you have to somebody, especially maybe they're in their first year, you're in your eighth, ninth year teaching, if someone's in their first year, they say, I want to be a good leader to young men. I had a grandpa who held the standard for me, I want to hold the standard too, but I'm not sure how to do it, right? Any advice or wisdom that you'd like to share for folks who are maybe in that position or want to be a good role model for young men today?

Hakeem Young: First things first, remember where you came from. Remember at one point you were in their shoes and what it felt like when someone made you small or when someone made you feel really, really tall. It is tough. Listen. You know, yeah. And I always tell kids, I'm here in the business of you don't have to like me, but you will respect me and I will respect you, right?

And that's what I tell my kids, I don't have to like you. That's not my job. My job is to respect you and be able to teach you this content, right? And these rules, these regulations that, you know, and I tell them school is not just the X's and O's, the books, you know, A plus B. It's also those little soft skills that we have to learn, the social skills that we gotta learn for life and how to, unfortunately, it's play the game of life.

And the biggest thing that helps you in life is being a respectable person. Being true to your word. The hard part is if you're going to do something, I will tell you, you got to be willing to back it up. whatever. Like, as you can see, my hair is a whole different shade from when we last talked. It was a teal then. I made a bet. One of my kids held up to it. So, you know, I had to...for wrestling season, I was pink, all wrestling season. So, and that's one of those words that they, the kids will fall in line if you stick to what you say and you hold, give them that respect going both ways. Like I can even say, just last week, one of my college wrestlers, she called me about a situation and she's like, coach, what should I do? And I go, well, let's break this down. And so those kids that if you treat them the right way, teach them the right way. At times when life gets tough, they may give you a phone call because you were that rock for them.

Spencer Payne: Yeah, I'm sure that was a very rewarding phone call. I'm gonna go ahead and guess.

Hakeem Young: It was a tough phone call because she was deciding if she wanted to wrestle or not. She was banged up, beat up, you know, and should she wrestle one last time. And I told her, honestly kid, it's up to you. Your body hurts. You've wrestled for a long time. Don't put your body on the line for me because she was going to go wrestle, try to make it to nationals one last time so I could fly out. And I go, honestly, you've done enough for me. You've done everything that I've asked and more.

Technically she graduated early but didn't tell me so I was mad about that. So she's currently working on her master's program. So at the end of the school year she's transferring to finish her master's. So like I said, I'm very, very happy and thankful that the lessons that we've taught have moved forward. she'll be my first college success story. that I can say, know.

Spencer Payne: And I'm sure it's, even though that's not an easy phone call, like the fact that you're the person she calls, like that's an honor, right? That means there's a respect level that she has of your opinion and your guidance that you've earned over years, years. That's what it's all about, right? Being able to help guide and offer wisdom as the younger generation is trying to look for wisdom. We wanna go help give some of it.

Hakeem Young: Yeah.

Spencer Payne: Well, Akeem, appreciate you so much for coming back for round two. This is a great conversation. Thank you so much. I appreciate your approach. Appreciate the way that you're approaching this. thank you, Grandpa. I don't know if his last name was Young, but thank you, Grandpa. Thank you. Okay, well, thank you, Grandpa, for taking that two-month window to instill this discipline that is now cascading out to all the folks that you have the opportunity to impact their life. So appreciate you.

Hakeem Young: No, that was hard.

Thank you.